O.R.A.L. CAVITIES

JDM and his team have hit the ground running with a number of good tidings, and a few that have woken me up from bed. Adjusting my retirement goggles, I see with blurred vision what looks like a festival of committees: these I hear are preparatory schools formed by JDM to prepare grounds for big probes.

One such is Operation Recover All Loot, ORAL, which has completed its work and submitted a report. The five member task force was preparing grounds for bigger eyes to investigate illegal loot that has impoverished the Gold Coast.

In giving a name to the Committee with an acronym, ORAL, hardly did JDM know he was waking sleeping dogs. He had by a single stroke of the pen, invited the Committee to inspect ORAL cavities of suspected nationals. The only omission was forgetting to ask them to declare their own cavities, including the boss who sent them, all in the interest of a ‘reset’ nation.

The following are the likely video outcomes: ‘dental highways,’ 100001 dental formulae, bruised gums, warts, baby lizards, archaic dental debris, wobbly dentures, and prematurely expanded jaws, etc. That line of ‘do-it-yourself’ probe would have produced a few confessions, if digitalised:

“Mr Chairman, considering findings from my own oral cavity, my lawyer has advised me to ‘excuse myself’ from ORAL, since what my stomach currently holds should be enough. As for the state of my oral health, only the ‘Pepsodent’ can tell. Thank you: mekƆ.” He flees.

That was the whole idea behind the vetting overdrive led by Afenyo, the Effutu boy. His agenda a few weeks ago, was to lead an inquisition into the oral cavity of the beloved Chairman of ORAL, the young Honorable Ablakwa. His vetting to be Minister took several hours; but that was the name of the game, and Ablakwa knew it from long experience.

April 2017, eight years ago at my own late ministerial vetting. In chair was Deputy Speaker Joe Osei Wusu. Here, the young Ablakwa shook me his former Pro-Vice Chancellor, almost to troubled undies! ‘My professor Nominee,’ that was Okudzeto Ablakwa looking me straight in the eye; ‘please open page 3 of your CV.’ Yes Sir I responded.

‘For how long were you on the governing board of CDD;’ I responded. ‘And by the way, why is it CDD on page 3 and CDD-Ghana on the next page?’ The young man was pushing his professor to the cliff. I quietly answered and saw him nodding. Next was his colleague, Haruna Iddrisu, another Honorable who almost gave his former Dean of Students a knockout:

‘Mr nominee for tertiary education,’ Yes Sir, I responded. ‘What is your real name? I see Professor Kwesi Yankah written as your name.’ Then followed one mischievous question Haruna posed in his typical look-away bomb drop. ‘Is Professor part of your name; were you born a professor?.’ No Sir, but I will explain, Mr Chairman. I responded blocking the young man’s uppercut at the vetting.

‘Mr Chairman, when I submitted my completed form for vetting I had written just Kwesi Yankah as my name. A day after submission, the vetting secretariat of Parliament gave me a call and insisted I should take back the forms and include my title, Professor. Mr Chairman, the secretariat is here today and will confirm this; it is they who insisted on my adding the title professor, Sir.’ I defended myself and was glad there was not yet an Afenyo Markin.

At the recent vetting, the two young Honourables must have clearly understood Afenyo’s marathon vetting of Ablakwa. They were no strangers to irritating questions probing the acquisition of oral wealth.

Within the twinkle of an eye, the ORAL people have finished their work and submitted their cavity report. Serial handshakes and congratulations are still ongoing. The ORAL harvest has been monumental: two thousand four hundred cases, 36 top priorities, and billions of dollars saved for the taxpayer. A cheerful JDM suspends his thank-you tour and receives the golden files which are relayed to Attorney-General Ayine. A huge celebration begins ahead of the bumper harvest of thieves.

Yet come with me to a tearful spectacle on your way to Aflao, past the Central University where as VC, I once met ORAL Ablakwa while he was Deputy Minister of Education. The tragic sight of a sprawling affordable housing township, from a project meant to provide 5000 housing units; a monumental scandal of scandals called Saglemi within the jurisdiction of beloved Sam George whom I once met at Central U along with Hon Afoley Quaye.

Does it move Uncle Sam and ORAL Ablakwa, that the tax payers’ 200m dollars has been washed down the drain (or rather the throat), and that wrong-doers have been acquitted by the stroke of AG’s pen? That 271 million U.S. dollars has been lost to the tax payer in fertilizer transactions, and the case has been dropped by A-G’s pen? Then nearly 2.5 million Euros is wasted from an executive scam on ambulances that turned out to be cinema vans; and many more cases of ORAL loot, abandoned for Zoomlion?

ORAL Ablakwa and A-G Ayine, in our search for who has really caused financial loss and dreadful Oral Cavities, you cannot be exempted. Please open your mouths!!!